hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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