bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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