Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think i have two assholes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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