Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
