dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
