You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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