remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
