Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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