Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
