After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
