Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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