do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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