Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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