do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
