last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
