This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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