i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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