My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
