You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
