is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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