I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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