The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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