I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
