counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
