Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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