took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize