she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
