Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
