my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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