he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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