Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she peed on how many people?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
