Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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