you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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