Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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