How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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