He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
