I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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