Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
