Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
