I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize