god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
