You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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