I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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