ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I smell like Dick and happiness
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
