Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
