Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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