her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
