i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
