You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
