great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
