WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
