In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
