If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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