his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
