I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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