I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
