So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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