my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize