FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
