She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
