The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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