Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
