my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
