Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
do nipples grow back?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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