He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like his penis was on wheels.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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