census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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