47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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