rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
