Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
As shirtless as possible
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize