I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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