I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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